nikkole318

Here is a scenario that may sound familiar to some women: You are in a group chatting. One of the people in the group happens to be a man. You divulge something about yourself that may be less than flattering, such as "I don't keep my house clean 24/7" or "I don't shave everyday in the winter." The women in the group have a strange reaction. Instead of relating with or identifying to you as they unquestionably would if the man were not present, they begin to babble on about how "gross messy houses are and they spend hours cleaning each week" or how "they cannot stand to have stubble on their legs even thought no one else sees it." All while giving sideways glances to the man to see what his reaction is. You are left feeling awkward and slightly betrayed.

I can understand why a woman would pull this type of stunt if she wanted to pursue a relationship or sleep with the man present. But the times I have witnessed or been the target of this type of dismissal, this was not the case at all. In some cases, the women present were in relationships. In others, the man present was extremely far out of the age range of any of the women. Why do some women feel a strong need to impress any man present regardless of their sexual interest in them?

Some men compete with one another mercilessly for a woman's approval, but this is typically only if they are both actively pursuing a relationship with her. I have never witnessed a man cut another man down for any woman who happens to be present. To provide an illustrated example, have you ever seen two married men, ages 30 and 40, flexing (while pretending not to flex) while casually mentioning that they are expert chefs and lumberjacks simply because a 65 year old woman happens to be present?

Why do some women feel they have to defer to or try to impress every single man in the universe?

I'm not writing this to cut down any one who has done the above due to the sheer fact that we still live in a patriarchal society. It is sad, however, that some people do not consider a strong sisterhood, being honest to others, and being able to laugh at oneself to be more valuable than pretending to fulfill every man's view of what "a good woman should be."

But maybe I am spoiled. I consider myself to be extremely lucky because I have a great network of female friends who accept me for exactly who I am without question or judgment. We feel we talk and joke openly in front of men without cutting each other down. I suppose not everyone is lucky enough to have that.

Well, I took my link off facebook so if you are reading it, you have either stumbled across this blog or you saved it in your favorites. If so, welcome and thank you, respectively. I took my picture down because I need a new one. The one that was up doesn't even really look like me anymore because it was taken like 5 years ago. Now that I am old as fuck, I need a new picture to reflect it.

As you can see, I didn't continue with the weekly whorebag feature. I also tried to start a new blog featuring personal accounts of asshole celebrities. Neither took off; the weekly whorebag - because I got too busy. The asshole celebrity - because I abandoned it. In fact, I don't even remember what website I used to start the blog, much less my username or password. I love writing, but I have trouble writing for a mainstream audience. It is hard for me to write in a way that will disguise the fact that I am "an extreme leftist liberal and a rabid feminazi." I think a feminist primer website may appeal to some of my friends on facebook, but I fear I will have a hard time sticking with the topic. I tend to introduce thoughts and ideas that make normal people think I am crazy. In other words, I prefer talking about republican butt secks to sexist articles on CNN. Four years ago, I could have written commentaries about sexist articles on CNN until my fingers bled, but now, not so much.

I could always just be myself and talk about things that are on my mind, but then people will know what a weirdo I am and unfortunately on some level I still care what people think about me. Shit. What should I do?

Okay, so the whole weekly whore-bag thing didn't really work out too well due to school and other obligations. The other problem is that Whore Bags so frequently rear their ugly heads in the media for pulling their dumb as shit shenanigans that I would have to do like a minutely update in order to keep up.

For now, I am just gonna talk about shit that gets on my nerves cause that is what I do the best. House. That show gets on my nerves. Not only because it is sexist, but because like every other medical show out there, it is completely unrealistic. Watching that show, you would think that Medical Technologists do not exist and that nurses are only there for doctors cheat on their wives with. Why are the doctors running the lab tests, spiking IV bags, and most of all, spending more than 5 minutes with each patient? These things simply don't happen in real life. In more than 1 episode, the doctors simply could not diagnose whatever disease they suspected the patient had because "they would be there all night running labs." Yeah, cause insurance companies are completely cool with paying medical doctors to sit in a lab all night and look under a microscope. I know that shows aren't supposed to be totally realistic, hence why "My So Called Life" only ran for one season, but they DON'T have to be that obnoxiously unrealistic to get decent ratings.

I would like to start a weekly special called "The Weekly Whore Bag Award." This prestigious award will go to the biggest privileged idiot who decides to make other people's lives harder while pretending to be a martyr for his/her cause. This will not be difficult, because the world is littered with Whore-Bags. I don't even have to look for them because they are usually fame-whores who willingly do dumb things for publicity.

Today's Whore Bag Award goes some Colorado loser named Nic Ramos. Along with being a skinny little bitch with date-rape face and fucked up eyebrows, he is an unintelligent shit head with no character. Despite being well off enough to pay his $14K tuition in cash, he feels disenfranchised because the price of college. Most people who find something they want, but are unwilling to pay for take their business elsewhere. Not this guy! He decided to "show the college who's boss" by paying for his tuition in $1 bills. Does he not realize that the college doesn't care how they are paid as long as they get the money? The only thing this little douche-nozzle accomplished was ruining the financial clerk's day.

What is even more worrisome is that there are people who think this guy is totally cool and original for doing this! For those people, I have a little analogy: Next time I find a TV at Best Buy that too expensive for my cheap ass, I am going to buy the TV and pay them in pennies instead of finding a less expensive TV!!! That will REALY show Best Buy! I bet the executives will by crying and panicking in their offices! And how original - treating low level service employees like shit. Gee - no one EVER does that!

Anyway, here is a You Tube video so you can see Mr. Eyebrows for yourselves:

OH HAI! Member me? I politely declined when you invited me to your house to try ecstasy for my first time. You said it would be totally safe because you are "trust-worthy" and "respectful" guy who would never take advantage of me while I am rolling like those other gross pervert boys in the night clubs. Just so you know, I don't regret declining, because even if you didn't take advantage of me, I would still have to live with the shame of dry humping the arm of your couch to the beat of some trance/techno song with my sunglasses on.

No wonder people are so afraid of having babies. Every where I turn there is a woman who has a horror story about her vag totally falling out and her uterus exploding when she gave birth. As someone who has never been pregnant, but would like to have kids at some point, I am tired of hearing about each and every terrible thing that has happened to your boobs, uterus, vag, and stomach as a result of having kids. No shit, giving birth is painful. You have to squeeze out a fucking water melon. I am aware of this. But the thing about pain is that anxiety makes it worse. So stop with the anxiety-provoking stories in front of women who have never given birth!

Okay, there are some things that have been majorly pissing me off, damnit!

First of all, blood in the veins is not blue! Next time you give blood or get bloodwork done, take a look. You will see that it is red, unless you are a smurf.

Second of all, both genders have the same number of ribs. Just as the Flintstones is not a documentary, the Bible is not a biology book.

I cannot believe I am writing this, but supposedly there is a common misconception that women pee out of their vaginas. I am just going to leave it at that.

And last, but not least.....protein! Every time some jerk starts rambling on about protein, I feel like kicking their ass.

People are blindly obsessed with protein. When is this whey love affair going to end? People talk about protein more than they talk about their lame ass boyfriends or girlfriends. On a pretty regular basis, I hear people proudly announce protein content off of their food labels. "This food item has 8 grams of protein!" Protein shakes, powders, and bars have become ubiquitous and are synonymous with "health supplements." Many people seem to have the misconception that protein will not make them fat, will help them build muscle, and that there is no such thing as too much. As a prudent consumer, this attitude has always seemed quite curious, especially with the proliferation of companies who market jugs of whey protein to wanna-be body builders for up to $99 a pop. Recently I have learned a little more about protein and how it works and why protein worship is not only misguided, but dangerous as well.

The typical human being needs 0.8 grams of protein per 1 kilogram of body weight. There are 2.2 kilograms of body weight per pound. At 120 pounds, I only need about 43.54 grams of protein per day, which I can easily obtain through my normal diet. I, however, and not the issue. The 185 pound men who are lifting weights while chugging Muscle Milk are the issue. Despite what GNC says, male weight lifters only need 1.6 grams of protein per kilogram of body weight. At 185 lbs or 84 kg, a male body-builder only needs around 134 grams of protein per day, which very easily consumed through a normal American diet. Let's go over a typical day of an American meal:

Food Item : Grams Protein

Breakfast:
12 Ounces Orange Juice: 3g
1.5 c Raisin Bran: 6g
12 oz milk: 8.26g

Lunch:
2 slices wheat bread: 7.8g
4 oz of sliced turkey: 33g
2 slices swiss cheese: 15.26g
toppings to include lettuce, tomato, mustard: 1g
3 oz bag chips: 4.5

Snack:
Pretzels: 6.2g
Kit-Kat Bar: 2.7g

Dinner:
4 oz chicken breast: 36g
1 baked potato: 3.6
1 cup broccoli: 3.7

Dessert:
1 cup vanilla ice cream: 8g

As long as my math is correct, the protein comes to 139.02g. Also note, these portions are relatively small compared to what most americans consume. If you weigh more and therefore need more protein, it is easy to simply increase your food portions, add non-fat yogurt at 8g protein or 1/4 cup of egg beaters at 7g protein.

Now to the fun part. At 4 calories per gram, the over-consumption of protein will make you fat. Protein consists of long chains of amino acids. The structure of an amino acid is an Amine (Ammonia) group attached to a Carboxylic Acid Group. When Amino Acids are digested, the Amine Group and the Carboxylic Acid Groups separate (more about the Amine Group later). The Carboxylic Acid group contains Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen Molecules. Guess what elements are also located in fat molecules? If you guessed Carbon, Hydrogen, and Oxygen, you are right! You can probably guess what happens; the Carboxylic Acid is turned into fat through a series of chemical reactions. I still not sure how it happens but I am sure why it happens has a lot to do with evolution. At this point, you are probably asking yourself why the Atkin's Diet is so effective. Here is why: people who use the Atkin's Diet eat protein in place of, instead of in addition to, Carbohydrates. They are not consuming extra calories, but are replacing calories from carbohydrates they would have eaten anyway.

Now, to the dangerous part. Excess Amino Acids from consumed protein CANNOT be stored in your body. The Ammonia Group is removed and combined with Carbon Dioxide to make Urea. Urea is processed and then excreted by the kidneys. The more excess protein you consume, the harder the kidneys have to work to process and excrete urea. If you force your kidneys to work extra hard for a long period of time, eventually something is going to go wrong. This is why there are so many health risks caused by the Atkin's Diet. The Atkin's diet might help you lose weight, but so does swallowing tape worms and doing meth. The moral of the story is; stop drinking protein shakes. You aren't doing yourself any favors, unless you are aiming to be an obese dialysis patient. Also, stop worrying about your protein intake. We live in America and the food we have available gives us more than enough.

I have hated Nickelback ever since the mediocre and misogynistic Figured You Out made its debut on radio stations in 2004. About a year ago, Nickelback came out with another gem called Something In Your Mouth. I was disgusted when I heard this song and vaguely remember comparing it to Akinyele's Put It In Your Mouth. Looking back, comparing the two a HUGE insult to Akinyele.

Let me make something clear. Put It In Your Mouth by Akinyele is an awesome song. Here is why:

1. Akinyele doesn't take himself seriously like Nickelback does.

2. Put It In Your Mouth actually has clever lyrics.

3. Put It In Your Mouth is far less Misogynistic then Something In Your Mouth.

I remember in 10th grade, at age 15, I would giggle whenever one of my classmates broke out into "Put It In Your Mouth," because PIIYM is a song about consensual fellatio and cunnilingus between two willing and aware partners who seem to be enjoying themselves. At 28 years of age, SIYM makes me shudder, because it is about some creep in a bar sexually infantilizing an unaware women.

Let us examine each song's lyrics:

Something In Your Mouth:

Dirty little lady with the pretty pink thong...

First of all, who the fuck refers to women as "little ladies" after the year of 1952? And who calls someone "dirty" as a compliment? Next time I go to a bar I am going to refer to a guy as a "Dirty little gentleman."

Your ripping up the dance floor honey, you naughty woman...

Women know to stay the fuck away from men who call them "honey" while simultaneously trying to pick them up. That particular term of endearment is specifically reserved for fathers and grandfathers and should NOT be used by creeps at the bar. And what the hell is "you naughty woman?" If you are going to be that open about how you feel, why not use quaint terms such as loose-gowned woman, wayward woman, or good-time girl?

She's bendin as you're spendin...

The guys of Nickelback seem like the types of douchebags who still hang out at places like the Hardware Bar. With that said, what is this man spending money on? One dollar watered down jack and cokes? Wow, BIG spender daddy-mack was "wooed" into buying a woman drinks - at a bar!!! What a trickster this woman must be.

You're so much cooler when you never pull it out.
Cause your so much cuter when there's something in your mouth!

Shorter: "Ladies, your annoying voices should always be muffled by something, such as my cock."

I love the way you dance with everybody and tease them all by sucking on your thumb.

Who the fuck sucks on their thumb at the bar!?!?! How exactly is this woman supposed to be "sucking on her thumb?" Is she curled up in fetal position sucking on her thumb like a baby? Or is she simulating fellatio on her thumb? I.dont.get.it. Oh wait, I get it. Check out this lyric:

And try to look so innocent while sucking on your thumb.

So that answers the question above: she is clearly in fetal position sucking her thumb. And is probably wearing a baby bonnet.

Now let's examine Put It In Your Mouth

You can lick it, you can sip it, you can taste it
I'm talking every drip drop, don't you waste it
Baby slurp it up, its enough to fill your cup
Going down like that boy you pack such a tasty treat

These particular lyrics are sung by guest singer, Crystal Johnson. See, that is the difference between these two songs. Crystal Johnson is allowed to talk. She isn't told to shut up and get the cock back into her mouth by Nickelback. And Crystal Johnson is clearly treated as an adult with her own agency. I wouldn't go as far as to say that Akinyele's Put It In Your Mouth is a feminist song, but it is clearly more progressive then Nickelback's Something In Your Mouth.

Another point- why the fuck are radio stations allowed to play SIYM and not PIIYM? Yes, PIIYM is explicitly sexual and contains "curse words," but SIYM is extremely degrading to 51% of the population. Why is explicitly sexual content shunned, while degradation, misogyny, and discrimination are still deemed okay for radio?

I have quite fond memories of sexual education. I think my most fond memory is from 8th grade, when our health teacher informed us that he knew which ones of us were sexually active - because he could see it in our eyes (I shit you not). Anyway, at the time I was fine with this, because I knew he wasn't seeing any sex related demons in my eyes. I wasn't having secks in 8th grade, because you see, it isn't secks when you do it in the butt. That is why it is called "butt love." All my friends did it - all the time. I would guess that 70% if my class butt loved behind the bleachers, in the bathrooms, pretty much anywhere and everywhere. The cool thing about it was that we were still virgins, since butt love didn't count. The purpose of this blog isn't to talk about butt love, but to talk about how the gays ruined it. Ever since the gays discovered butt love and started doing it and putting it on the inter-tubes, it has ruined it for all us straight people. And of course, thanks to them, it is now no longer butt love, but is now considered butt secks. The gays took something lovely and meaningful and ruined it by making it dirty! Now none of us straight people can enjoy the priviledge of butt love anymore! I really think we should stop this nonsense by paying a visit to DC.

Another thing I would like to mention is con-DEMS. When I was in middle school and high school, there was all this talk about not having real secks, because it could result in pregnancy. The neato thing was, no one told us that you could use con-DEMS and have an experience that is very similar to secks. Only it isn't secks, because you can't get pregnant from it! Neat concept, huh?

I don't watch a whole lot of Tee-Vee. It was last night when I accidentally watched the show House. I do not like the show very much because the characters get on my nerves and it is cliche. In these types of shows they seem to always have something "serious" going on while having something comical going on as a sub-plot. In this particular humerous sub-plot, an older woman came to the hospital, because she was concerned about having strong sexual urges, especially aimed towards young men. Obviously, she HAD to go to the doctor for this, because there MUST be something seriously wrong with her for having a libido. I mean, god...aren't libidos for men only? That's what the tee-vee always says. Well, it turned out that the old lady had contracted syphilis when she was younger. The disease ended up damaging a part of her brain, which somehow caused her to have a very strong libido. Now let's think for a minute...would they have cast a man in this role? No, of course not. It is considered "normal" and acceptable for men of ALL ages to have a strong libido, so having a man see a doctor because of sexual urges would be considered ridiculous. No one bats an eye about a horny old man...but all horny old women need to go see Dr. House. Another thing about this episode that bothered me is the cause of her sexual urges are an STD and brain damage. What kind of message does this send out? That older women must be afflicted with something our society considers "dirty" or be brain damaged to have sexual desire. This theme is not new. In the days before people were educated about clitorises and woman's sexuality, women were diagnosed with hysteria for displaying any sort of sexual frustration. One more reason why House gets on my nerves.